Time out..

Finally

What that I always worry about..
And try to stop it happen..
before my pmr exam..

Finally..
Happen at now..
this moment...

Yes,bubble..
really will 'pop' one day..
But why...
why dun listen to what I said..
I will protect u(bubble)..
Or even leave a nice ending to it..

Why,
A small wind blow..
A shake of the air.....
Just a tiny things..
make u 'pop' easily..

Why..
U dun protect/let me protect u..
Until the day I wan..
I keep and keep trying..
Pray and pray in my heart..

Finally,
Good..
Bubble also leave me away now..
'pop' out easily..
Leave me alone..

Now..
I really dunno..
How can I..
walk alone enter the hall..
PMR exam paper..
With many many mind and heart question
into it..
How can I do my best/focus it??

Tired,
until..tears dry..
I'm idiot..
for everyone..
especially for he..

What I said now..
USELESS..
no use anymore..
he won't know..
or maybe,
he won't be touched

by what i said now..

Well done,
Jesmay..
U end up ur friendship again...
And..
walk in to pmr hall alone again..
..well done..

He hate Jesmay..
He hate Jesmay..

He hate her selfish...
Yes,I am..
I know too...
for sure he will...

tears is what?
Jesmay's tears is just rubbish..
Just know how to tears..
USELESS

He won't come back anymore..
Can I ask he to forgive me again?..

My fault..
I know...
This..is what I..
said true to u..
I'm selfish..
Dunno why.....
It just use to u ONLY..
other..I don't even care..

I think..
This is just..
a REASON for he..

He love freedom..
He love friend...
He love his everything..
BUT NON OF JESMAY SHADOW

He shouted to Jesmay that..
"U tie me up..make me suffer!!"

Ya..
Jesmay selfish..
Jesmay useless..
Jesmay everything...
He know well too..
But Jesmay dunno he.
Jesmay just life her own..
selfish rite?..
She dun even gave he a good memory..

So,
This kind of 'friend'..
Must not be friend.......
It should be stranger.
Jesmay just hope he happy..

So,
she think out a idea..
To let he happy with her disappear..
It was a great idea...

From that moment begin,
Jesmay NOT EVER his friend anymore..

Not Not Not..
At least..
he will feel better about it..

No more Jesmay's "tie"..
No more a selfish person mind thinking..

No more suffer..
But do smiley face everyday..

Isn't good?..
That..
was a great place for u..
WITHOUT a selfish and useless Jesmay

Go go my friend..
and also..
........my love..

I know u'll be happy and happy
than ever..
I know even at the far place
I still can hear ur laughing sound..

Jesmay,

End here

.Bye bye.

- 暖色系

I'm so care about it..
Still remember until now..
Maybe..this is not for me.....

But..
The word in this song..
make me think much...
complicated..

Maybe..
U should scolded me..
Or knock me out...

Why..
U din do that?..

I think many many about it..
I set my w380i walkman as
Shuffle and Loop..
Today,
this song SUDDENLY played by my hp..

..Why?..
Make me think back again..
Yes..I do..
Love this song...
Not because of he..
Is because of the meaning of this song like me..

Still remember that time,
when I first listen this song..
I feel touched and sweet...
'Is he saying about me?..'
But,
I waked myself up..
I scare..
It was just what I THINK..

He told me before..
many thing..
Is just..
WHAT I THINK...
what i think he like me..
what i think he not just friend with me
...JUST I THINK...

He dun even said that
He do have feeling to me..

Just my mind..
keep said that..
yes He do..
Yes he Do..

Stupid right?
Yea..I think that too..
Many people scolded me..
But what can I do?
Mr YH said I useless..
cause hurt myself because of a guy.

A wall..
still between us..
I miss that time..
U said that..
'Now the time flow back before the wall built up,
U can't said no..because I already cut down it...'
Touch right?
that's why I miss that time..
Hope to listen again..
But is impossible..
Some problem..
Must solve it..
But not flow back..
Cause..
even flow back..
I and u still will walk until..
the wall slowly built up again....
Just like that day..
I though that was a change..
So..I smsed u..
to chat...
But...
U sent me a 'knife'..
And pull back the most hurt pasted problem..
and talk about it again to me...
U just said about me..
I know i have fault too..but..
Why dun u just think at my situation?..

If u like a person,
Will u just said at mouth u like her..
But din do anything..
to know more about her..
to protect her from any dangerous..
to let her feel what u feel too?

I don't how to said it..
Really don't no...
I'm not clever as last time..
how I loudly said out all my problem..
through my blog..to let u know..
I fall down..until hurt my brain hurt my cell..
I don't how to said it anymore..


Wall,
when will become beautiful after solve it?...
Me,
when can dun like this anymore?..
and You,
when can tell me truly?...

Waiting

I know..
'FOCUS IN PMR'
That..was what u told me..
I always remember..
But..Hard to done it 100%..
Still will wait or hope phone vibrat..
and..my phone surface..shows our secret name..
But...
Always..not u..

Make me feel..unsave..
I'm in scare..
what can I do?..
Saw again...something..
Damn..
I think much again..
arrghh..
I don't wan..
U're not mine!
U're Not Not mine!
I don't wan to do anything
brainless..
for nothing...

This few day..(Half)

__18/09__

my lovely cousin sister,Jing Yee..
come to my house overnight again..
Happy..Can talk 'heart' again..
She know everything about me..And me too..
So..sometimes..
We'll help or ask other to cheer..
thanks here =*)
And..we take photo by her web cam..
Lols...until 3++am..
Following day still gonna wake on 7.30am for going to melaka~
But kinda Funny..some only o..coz too many~
=X I have too..but dun wan upload =P




----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
__19/09__

Following day...>.<>
Order TC Kurang Manis..
And..i saw BUBBLE...
on the top when the waiter take to me..
BUBBLE..keep pop and pop...
reminded me something..
Maybe..people will said that..
I think too much..I think yes..
But..I can't control to not think that..
cause..BUBBLE is nice..
yea..really nice for me..I like it..
But..dunno why..
this few week..I keep think that..
BUBBLE nice..but..It'll 'pop' one day..
and bring hurt to me...This is what i think..
who can stop me..
I really dun hope a means of BUBBLE misunderstood by me..

Continue way to melaka..
all the way..Wearing ear phone..
Listen to my favorite music...
Many thing in my mind..think many many things..
People said...wear ear phone dun let mind free even one second..
But...why..it looks doesn't matter for me..
I still keep think and think...something roll and roll in my eye...
Luckily..It was under control..
Just wear big sun glasses..look out side..and act sleeping..

Try change my mood better =)
Reach aunt house..my lovely cousin..
'pull' me take photo use laptop again...make me cheer~







After that,bye bye to my lovely cousin sister..
I gonna go for daddy there(dad's brother them)..
Than,
Eat dinner..and buy few hair treatment set..
at night..at home..
Mood quit better that time...
so..I really..really hope..
WE can as last time..
when at melaka...the same place..
make me think of u...
everytime..that was u accompany me..
sms...and..dunno why..only at that time*last time
Me and U..only can chat by true n heart...
I miss that time...So,I smsed u..
But..why..once u reply..also sent a 'knife' to me..
At 1st..I really try to act nothing..
But why...why why why?..
U..must talk about the past?..
I know in ur mind..u still think that..
'Is Jesmay that control me..dun let me know other friend,
But herself can know friend..than throw her friend away...'
Did u know how hurt I am when hear u said that?..
So,after that time...I totally change myself..

Press my hand that wanna click on u to take a look that how are u..
Close my ear that..if I listen something about u and who who or what...
Make myself blind and see nothing when saw anything about it...

Did u know...How hard I did it?..
Control u not my attitude..I dun like control people too..
and..this is not control..but is 'control' for u in ur mind..
U said I tie u hardly...
U said..we din have any relationship..
and why should i tie u make u suffer..
(This..is what last time..I totally fall and asked u act me as stranger)
Why u must make me said out all of this????..
I already change..even hard..I try focus on other..
Dun think about u..cause u have ur one..and u hate me..
U hate me 'TIE' u up...U totally hate...
So,I already done a nice way for u...u should be happy..
I'm nothing..just continue be a L****..
That time...I really suffer again..
How hard i get better and better..
It change..cause of ur few sms and 'knife'..
I try and try...control again something roll in my eye..
continue chat with u..but u keep and keep repeat it..
MyTongD accompany..he sms me on the time....
when I get hurt by ur 'knife'..he help me..
Kaki Gor sms me too..maybe god hope me cheer.
AhBo Gor called me...at 1st he was happy in his sound..
but..he notice my sound was different from evening..
and shaking or trying stop myself from tearsing loudly..
he keep ask and ask..Finally...
8th time...I tears..On the phone that gor call me..
He said many thing..when I'm tearsing..
sorry gor..cause I owes a happy mui in front of he..
2nd time he called me...he was get shock..and said..
'Just tears out all once..next time can't like this already..
Dunno how long my this mui keep all of this
in her heart without telling other..see now..she was totally down..
who..was the guy make my mui suffer like this...
why my mui can cry until like this...
Just cry out mui..cry out....................................'
_T.E.R.C.E.S_
Many thing,but i don't hope to said all..
Scare tears again if said about that....
He was at Genting on that time..
and on call with me about more than half and a hour..
He teach me and told me much...
Make me smile again...
and wanna call me out after he back..
Thanks =*/


Other side in my mind..
If..the one who call me....
Not gor but u..
How good is it...
But...BUBBLE i think..
*sorry for using BUBBLE again..
cause..It was really impossible..
Bringing tears sign enter my dream...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
__20/09__
_removed_
Thanks for fetch me =)
Haixxx...
In a shop at mahkota....saw some nice t-shirt..
And..I..hope to buy it for...................
But i think i can't..he is not my who...
But my heart keep wan me to buy it for he..
why why why why???!..
where also...I'll think or even saw his shadow..
I hate my mind...why think like that?..
smsed who in my mind on that time..
but sure..not he..cause.........haixxx.............
I keep close my eye and go away..
I dun wan to look on the t-shirt...
Make me sad and hurt...
try take pic even is ugly..



Time passed quietly..



-----------------------------------------------------------------------
_21/09_


Cousin sister wedding today... Just wear simple...

My cute brother with me..



By my brother..He said wanna help me take photo too..
Many game that waiting for my cousin sister's lao gong for play himXD

Went Pahlawan again~
But there thing was quiet ok..
Sister bought me a 'wei jing'..Lols..dunno how to said in english>.<


Prepare for dinner...
I have done early..than..
'Chi Chak Chi Chak' again...
with my two brother and also meXD








Many many..hahaxxXD
Before and after I already mix up@_@
Nm la...
And...at the dinner place..
Photo almost all at my Julia Sister there..
Andrian Gor use pro camera to take it..^^
I think that will better~
Maybe will upload soon..
Irene Jie Jie and Me..
Loolss..I look fat>.<



My cute cute cousin gang^^
Lub they all...haha..and..
Kiat Kiat Gor wear black in colour that one..
Hahas..he was so shy and less smile..
He actually cute and funny if dare talk to heXD
How cute are all of them..But where Ah Huat Gor??..
Lols.taking camera..haha..nxt time gonna take with he..
They all was funny..We at tone table..eat..chat..joke..
very very funny...and XD..hahahaha..dunno how to said..
They all said I'm famous..Lolsss=.=..
Joke la..=.=
one thing to said~
LUM THEY ALL^.^
Time passed..memory stick in my heart^^
I know I'm fat from this pic..
Coz the dress was big big big deXD
I know I am fat~


I think that's all..
Have update soon~..
Bye

Huhh..

Finished 'Gerak Gempur' exam..
Sighhh.......
My math make me really wanna cry..
My level really...
maybe bad than malay student...
Haixx..other I can..
Just my weak point...math...
What can I do?>.<

Still have 20 day only for me to follow up my math>.<
Omg...Can i do it??..
I don't think so...how bad...
I really poor in math...
Who can help/teach me??..
seriously..Haixx.. I bad mood cause of my math...


In this few day..
really thanks r.. I almost in happy mood^^
Maybe he also hope let both of us happy..
FOCUS in pmr first..thanks for the great thinking..

Just maybe..
sometime saw my girl..
Yen,Sherine and MeiFun...
their down mood or what...
Will let me feel totally scare...
and very worry about it...
But..I try my best do what he said..
'FOCUS in pmr...'
Other thing..after pmr only said...
Just sometime when talk about our things..
Feel like...have a sign that tears coming....
Cause of..really very very scare and worry about it..
Haixxx.. I try to trust he ok...
Please Dun make me fall down again...

But...
Dun talk about what my negative thinking..
I know..I'm still lucky and sweet...
If really 'banding' with my girl...cheer girl~

The time waiting he...
Is passed really slow..
today evening I really agree this..
huhh..wait and wait... make me think back..
that day.. he said...
he wait me 1 and half hour just for a msg...
How touched...=*/

Whatever.. maybe in his mind..
that was just for a FRIENDSHIP...
Let me dream in my world until end my pmr please...
sometimes..when think about something...
I'll feel very scary...
but I still need to FACE MYSELF if after pmr...
this dream...break...or the bubble 'pop'...
I think.. many people won't see me at school anymore..
I know maybe he have read my blog..
I not 'ugut' u for MUST BE WITH ME...
Just..saying out what I worry about ..
I'm scare..yes I am..
But hard to said this to my girl or friend..
Maybe they will said..
'U think too much...'
'I think he won't treat u like this..'
Huhh... I really dunno... Scare to face it..

Scare pain...
Scare fall...
Scare result yuck..
Scare u far away from me..
Scare everything u give me will grap by other..
Scare I'm just the one who drawing heart shape here...

Jesmay...
Just leave it...
This time really dun think too much...
Cheer..and enjoy now that..what things he done for u..
This..I think was the best best memory...
If after pmr he not belong to u..
Please...
I wan to keep my mood till over pmr..
Someone...Help & Support me please....

'Gerak Gempur'..(exam)

>.<
Luckily today sub was BM n GEO..
Is....quiet ok for me =P
Dun bit me please~

Hhhmmm..
Nice day..nice day^^
Thanks...Feel happy when saw u =X
shhh..dunwan said more already =)
Hehee.. Really thank you from my heart~

After school..
Thanks to Mr R too..
teach me math from 1pm-3.30pm Huh..After that..
I feel like..actually..is ok...
Just the big problem is...
I DIN REMEMBER THE FORMULA
few hour go.. Finally quiet ok..
God save me..
hope my math after this really can get better and better~

one thing to said.. "I miss you.."
What I doing or just now when Mr R was teaching me..
I kinda miss him..but luckily is under control..
I'll focus at my pmr as what u said~
Just let me dream until end of my pmr...
I like myself like this~

the before post that..the..
'plan-k'.. I have something to said..
It already done 40%...
And..something i wanna tell u...
ON THAT DAY...
at first.. when I just buy the thing that time..
I was thinking and feel sad..n abit hurt about it..
Cause..the things..is like 'she' in ur mind...
please tell me NO MORE WCH please
Maybe I'm sensitive..but...
I try to get better...
.Just hope to tell u... -
not only she is it-
(U'll know on that day)

Support and pray for me please..
someone please tell me that..
what i have bought is a SIGN OF ME TO HE..
I dunwan I the one give the thing..and he think about she..
Please...please~

Waoo!!..Such a great great nice ending~(updated)

(12/9/209)
Support support jollybelly^^
Huh.. Finally...
We practice and practice..
Stand up from the hard..
finally..at last night perform..
It have a nice ending..
Like like^^

HAaha..
Let me show some pic..
Other pic..
still at my jollybelly's student there..
Just some kay..
*Belly is a type of art..
just click sign of close if u all dun hope to see..
I din force anyone...
This is a part of my life...
and I..
'dun care what other think about me..
I know what am I doing...'


When the way to.. Kelab Darul Ehsan , Ampang {Dewan Cempaka}
Love Love Love my hair so much..
thanks for aunt who help my done..
My most dream hair for me..
*hp megapixel not good.. so maybe u guys can't see any different..
But the important is..
I'm HAppy and just like dream have a 'Dum Dum Big Big Cute Head'~
I can't believe that is me too=.='
They said this hair style suitable for me..
But my mummy said like a naughty girl.. Lolsss>.<


my lovely mummy driving on the way^^



Than.. reach there..
Lols..I'm scare and scare..
Forget take pic to show to my lovely reader~
That place not bad...
Hmmm..
maybe next time I gonna invite my friend
to there swimming or play badminton~

After change..
**guys
..Dun ever think I'm change or what..
I'm just the same me..just this time..
u guys can see the other part of me...
My dance..my perform..my lovely dancing life!
and..I din force anyone to see it..
If really u guys unlike it...
Just click close..and thanks for view~



There was so nice^^


JUST SOME PICTURE shown on here..
Some at my friend Emily sister hp..not yet receive my pic>.<
They have tag me some at facebook too ..
or at my lovely teacher youtube channel also u all can watch it~
If anything leave at my c box^^..thanks~



* I have been taken too much picture...
Lollss...So..maybe will upload at facebook pr maybe notXD

Just
I REALLY Love
MY DUM DUM BIG BIG CUTE HEAD^^
--------------------------------------------------------------
(13.9.2009)

Nah nah nah^^...
Happy happy =P
Hhhmm..
Let's see...
I have done my 'plan-k' for u~
Bleekk...haha...Daddy took us to Leisure Mall...
I become a VIP at mini-toons...
Thanks for someone..Lols..
No la..actually is thanks for my lovely daddy and mummy..
Let me bought those cute things till rm50 to become their members^^

Tahhhta!!!...This is all what in my bag^^


JESMAY LOVE CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


My pencil case...Tatahh..
Jesmay LOVE puppy,CHocolate and Purple!!



And..this...... Is my love love be black member/VIP mini toons card^^




Me with my 'puppy'.. Hhhmm...
He did not have any name yet..
What idea that u guys think can name he?..XD
Leave at c box if have^^






*p/s.many many thing to SHARE..but haha..
Nevermind..cause really too much pictureXD
I'm happyXD