❥傻瓜、晚安

♥

"In holiday you'll meet an admirer and become romantically involved -so follow what your heart desires"
seriously.. I'm following ;)

总是准时扭开收音机，

笑声、欢乐..

感恩、感谢！

我再次成为幸运儿..超奇妙的说~

还有还有，足以让我开心的理由.哈哈

sem1的考试成绩开放了，

有一点惊讶.. 

竟然fail了一科.. 有很伤心的感觉..
而且还是我最爱的一科

怎么办?

突然有世界末日的感觉.......

到此吧，

希望明天一睁开眼..

好事都会来

晚安`傻瓜

夜晚的心情、我既然...

就突然好想要有宠物..

陪我哭、哄我笑..

感觉这几天都过得好怪..

心情时上时下..

一直一直想着..

却突然在夜晚里，想放开了

对吗?

应该吗?

他是属于大家的、

不是我的....

我、又来发神经了

哈哈！

最近的心情——念

***我还是忠与Onefm的丫！别边缘我呢 :P

就很偶然般的拿到myfm 《礼双中秋群星街头party》的vip票~抱着为了Gina而去的心态

图中奇怪的微笑，哈哈


回回当天的情景、心情
最近总是感到怪怪的，自己也不知道怎么了..


闷闷的夜晚里，即使在我眼前的是大明星，大帅哥
都没你般的吸引我目光
抬头望着月光...我好想你



心里很好奇的不断重复问着自己，

“这是个过程吗? 可是我不想他消失..更不希望这只是个过程，我要他是终点不想再看到人来人往的过，只希望他是注定的那个一直一直地陪着我”

他会忘记我吗?
他们都叫我放下，把他当作美好的回忆收着就好
可是，收起来了是不是就意味着忘记?
那他的存忆里究竟有没有我?
我不要，更不想..可是我该怎么办...?



他总是对着电话，爱按电话..
面子书上却没动静..那在他电话里头按着的..是什么? 是谁?

每个熬夜的人，都有个故事

就好像我..明明真的真的很累..却就是不想去睡.. 

就是有个让我睡不着/不去睡的理由，是他吗?   呵呵!

想哭的时候、怎么办?

音乐是一种毒药、也是一种解药
情绪是一种表达、更是一种有时控制不了的东西


大家来说说，如果想哭了、会怎么办？还一度度的心里...
今天的脾气、情绪都不好..不稳定...


却不知如何表达，当感觉突然来了..
说也说不出.


说得对，
“真正的痛，是说不出的”
: )


希望能真正过去才好，
或者..我向上天祈求，希望他出现..
希望是那个他..啊

我好想念

究竟该怎么办才好

思——念 ♥

又是一次好久没更新的部落格记载，
说真的..很多心里话..
还是不知如何表达

是一时的感觉吗? 还是放假太得空而产生这样的感觉..?
多一个星期又要开学了..
心里很矛盾，不想这感觉消失..却又害怕一直出现..
感觉自己还真有点语无伦次，这是当兵回来后第二次有着那种想时间停留在那一刻的感觉
每个人都在为自己的生活努力的活着、为自己而奔波.
会不会就这样把过去的一点一点给变模糊?  你还会记得我吗?
第一次很想介入你的圈子里，不为了什么..
就只是你有着我很想探险、了解的态度..神秘..工作圈子


在前面等待着的，究竟是什么?
未知数.


他说,"等待是一种未知的希望"

再一次祝他，

26岁生日快乐！
“保持乐观快乐微笑，你就是最棒的！”

Showdown 2012

Super Duper awesomeeeeeeeeeeee night with TT gang..OMG..

Stay tuned = )

往心裡流的淚，才是最難受的

Long long time ago..yeahh, about 2 month I think, I disappear from my lovely bloggie.. sorry guy... and most important, sorry to myself. I had keep on forcing and forcing , hide everything in my heart silently , act and act..... It's just.... suffering myself.


自從當兵後回來的另一個階段開始，便不知覺的漸漸的 沒有更新自己最新的狀態了 或許是忙，也或許在適應，在考驗..在狠狠用力的去認真體驗新生活的每一份，每一秒..
然而期間有著的掙扎，遠遠多過於真正的快樂
當然期間有著的... 是總總的難題，考驗，挑戰.. 是前所未有的全新人生問答題 呵呵




來快速的說說在這新學習環境中的快樂吧，
還記得第一個星期開學，我傻傻的什麼都不知道..
第一次上putra LRT竟然去反方向去
第一次在LRT門亮燈了還硬硬衝進去結果被卡住..
第一次堂哥很偉大的等我放學3個小時 再載我去跳舞
第一次走篇 Tarc College就覺得自己很小什麼地方也不懂，汗流浹背..
第一次死後臉皮的去夢寐以求的talentime night audition 跳舞唱歌的..
第一次在真的全新的地方 大家面前自我介紹
第一次遇見hotel management的傻佬俊霖還開心得不得了因為總算有了個伴（即使他是我的2年朋友，夠力白痴）
第一次.... 好多好多的第一次..
我知道，這是全新的開始，沒有了從前處處在我身旁保護我守護著我的他們
大家說我是傻大姐，傻傻的很單純..還深怕我在沒有他們在我身邊的情況下..會不會被人欺負..


第二個月左右，
大家開始熟了，開始一步步的了解.. 很驚奇的在我班有著一班班的朋友群
大家你跟你的朋友，我跟我的朋友般的分配法.. 也有了戀愛的一對..
開始外出，聊得更深入，開始互相了解，開始創造彼此間的友誼...
第一次的，我很感恩第一次與大班女生去閒逛，買衣服等等的..我以前就很希望能發生在我身上的事情..
第一次的，大家一起吃好吃的，做瘋狂的事情，拍白痴照等等....
第一次的，麻煩班上男生載我去舞蹈班..很不好意思的感覺..
第一次的，大家一起品嚐學校學生經營飯店還白痴般的狂拍照，大贊/批評食物
第一次的，大家一起有說有笑，討論課題的事物...體驗讀書的樂趣
第一次的，我非常積極與十分專心的給老師最大的回應，成為班上最吵&最多問題問的學生
第一次的，朋友常到處品嚐美食都會想到我，真的很珍惜很感恩
第一次的，發夢也沒想到的去我夢想的地方盡情玩樂 (Sunway)
等等 好多好多好多....... 非凡體驗

一個人，只要相處多了，相處久了.. 漸漸的問題就會浮於水面..

針對以上的話語，並無太多的看法 =]
這是人與人之間奇妙的其中一件事吧.. 相信有經歷的都懂



其實，真正讓我在相隔那麼久寫下的這一篇文的是堆積在心裡太多的煩惱，矛盾..
很驚訝，也是第一次..寫部落格不再為親親愛愛而寫.. 而是真真實實的踏步著前方的路..
回憶固然美好，我依然非常的珍惜她們，每一份 每一秒..
因為，是她們讓我體驗，也讓我知道.. 命運不過如此.. 因為，我有她們 
“她們” ... 我從前一直渴望的她們

我，只是希望有雙能坐下來聆聽我心中痛楚的一雙耳朵，一張提醒我點醒我的嘴

情緒在矛盾中掙扎，在掙扎中猶豫，在猶豫中徘徊.....
 呵呵 還真羅嗦呢我 沒辦法呀 誰叫我根本沒有能聽我羅嗦的對象
總是到一半一定 一定會被打擾.. 就連家人也僅是如此..


我搞不懂，也彷彿在懷疑着..
舞蹈人生真的是我最總夢想? 值得嗎..
為了舞蹈，我花了很多很多的時間與心血，淚滴與傷痛..
至今，我連個自己的方向，像樣的舞台都沒有.. 一切岿空...
這些，真的都是對的事物嗎?
我愛舞蹈，我真的真的很愛舞蹈，
沒有舞蹈就沒有我..沒有舞蹈就沒有讓我人生覺得非凡的部分
我的擔心，我的心碎..自尊心..逞強..信心... 一切一切..是對的嗎?
是該說是必經之路還是 我自己搞不清楚方向?
我的付出，心酸... 究竟是怎麼一回事..?



常常都聽到別人問我：“你一個星期那麼多趟課都是跳舞跳舞跳舞..難道你沒有想過減少下來的嗎 ? 你不累嗎?  你的人生沒有其他樂趣嗎?”

樂趣，跳舞就是我的樂趣..跳舞能釋放我的情緒，我的心情..
我承認，很累..真的很累..
自認跳得沒有很好，加上體型...呵呵 = ]


間接的讓我想到，
為了跳舞錯過了很多與友人去最想去的地方..
沒有一個人會一直被拒絕後在還不斷的問/邀請你出席，因為在他們腦裡，你就是那個永遠不能陪他們/ 跟他們一起外出的人..
舞蹈？ 友情？
我這樣為舞蹈犧牲，真的是最佳的嗎?
我友情方面明顯不怎麼好，常常獨來獨往..呵呵
在別人還記得你，想起你時.. 是不是就該多跟他們一起?
我很想體驗，很想兩邊都妥協..
我不願意放棄友情，因為 我真的真的很珍惜妳們

好久好久沒這樣寫來釋放自己的情緒了

說不完，但至少不是只窩在心中

好長好長的一封..

呼

Sorry for this post I din do in both language,

It's just about my own ordinary life and feeling..

I just wish to express,  pray hard that everything will be alright.

CHEER MAY!  =)

Just... too much to said....

Yea, it's a 3rd post in April and it going to end this month in few more day, lol.. Imma really sorry about it although there are just plenty reader of my blog. HAHA.  hhhhmmmmmm, college life are just at the corner. tomorrow, It's going to be a new life perhaps for me.... but, why am I keep feel like do-I-care or what's-wrong-with-me..??
I went for audition in my college talenttime night for singing and dancing item. BOTH I get 2nd audition! wohooooooo!! Very excited and unbelievable, some more get until the final audition for my dancing! oh my..oh  yeahh, forget to introduce my college, TARC college in setapak. I think almost everyone know about that right, or even u guys can google it,muahaha!       And, everything was like mess up and I-dont-know-what-am-I-doing or maybe who-am-I recently..I'm very very very very lost... Feel sad and emo in very deep of my heart easily, serious! Can't stop thinking about everything in my life....Is this really called L-I-F-E ? For now, I Don't Know.

Okay, back to the topic maybe.hahaaa
I think almost everyone around me are excited about their college life/new life/ work life...or whatever life they gonna start on engine and go again for another new life time. BUT, seriously for me...I still dunno where and dunno what to do... "What??? College started? I'm in college now? I'm a college student now??"


Some time, I can't even feel myself...Am I really doing the right thing? Am I choose the best way in my life? I just..Don't Know.




眼看大学升压就在眼前，然而即将面对的我仿佛与我无关似的看待这件事.. 不停地反问自己这一切真的是事实吗? 我要读大学了? 可能这是每一位刚进入大学的学生都有的感觉，也或许只是我有着这样的感受.   是放不下吧.... 感觉踏不到地，漂浮着的很奇怪..




——压力—— 不知是我自己心里给自己的要求太高，或者太高攀自己了..又或者是家中老大，所以所面对的一切.. 对孩子气的我这位姐姐来说，很不习惯.. 现在才是刚刚初步开始的时候，却让我感觉有点喘不过气来，好难受.  是我自己对事事都要求完美，又或者是“物质魔鬼”找上了我.. 我真的很挣扎很挣扎... 在要与不要.. 心疼与魔鬼之间不断的徘徊，紧紧的压着自己，不知怎么办才好.      “物质”真的可以害死很多人，就连我以为自己不会有那么一秒会怀着那样的想法..“魔鬼”却找上了我..   大学生需要的东西很多，而且...所谓的要求物品都是价格非凡，很贵重的物品..   Laptop, Ipad, Iphone,Samsung等等等等都是例子.  我也不例外被抓住了，还有汽车.   看见也仿佛体会到父母亲的辛苦，他们为我的努力。 他们都想过给我最好的，我想要的.. 说我长大了，在他们有能力时，他们希望他们可以给我最好的..  那一样样平时对我来说简直父母不会要买给我的，在这一刻..他们都尽力的四处了解详情之类的. 还找对这些方面很在行的堂哥问了好多好多..   我承认在这里的一些，或许旁者会觉得我一位大学生而已不需要那么贵重的，有其中的1/2样已经是很不错了..  当然其中可能也有挣扎，有些当被他们“ban掉”的时候..口不说不过心里其实有不开心，谁不想得到自己想要的东西呢?    我在天使的自己与恶魔的自己间来回，好难...好难..  我看到父母亲的努力，就连此刻打着字的自己回想起他们为我的努力，可能不是那么轻的负担..他们却笑着说无所谓，目的只想把最好的都给我，在他们认为他们还有能力时...  每想一次，就湿了眼眶，心里....更是深深的感触..    我到底该怎么办? 很想帮他们.. 也想靠自己得到自己想要的.. 根本不想麻烦他们，不想让他们有着即使只是小小的负担..    想坚持着爱他们而把物质都推到，却想着得到起码像个大学生/不要总是被落在大家身后追不上去的丑小鸭..   很挣扎，我究竟该怎么办? 我..是哪个我..?






家中老大一点一点都不好当，我想着把所以的责任都放在肩膀上..却才发觉自己什么都不会..感觉上帮不上忙...对自己确实有些失望.. 不过我在plkn营里训练过的，坚持着的.. 我会的，回到家依然每天在实行.   我看到我自己改变很大，连妈妈也说我进步了很多。从以前的根本不愿意，到现在的凡事都去学习。

I Miss Kem PLKN Sg Rait, Miri so muchhh!!  = (
Wanna know the reason why am I so misss my plkn kem even maybe some of my friend in camp already use to their own life or new life, or maybe started to forget what happened in plkn kem 1month+ before...But, I'm not.I can't even do that.
Actually, It's all about Life and Friend.   
Miri is the only place that are peaceful, pure , lovely etc....... People and Surrounding Life is the things that make me can't even forget about my camp or feel like going back to Miri, and I'll really do once I get that chance!  and, Friend.... KL people are complicated and like full of strategic or maybe hiding knife behind of their smile, for me...It's just so scary.. I'm not saying about ALL..but for my experience,mostly friend that I meet 85% is that kind of people. What can I said ? that's why..Miri make me feel warm, know what? even we're far, but believe or not we still keep texting each other or facebook chat btw us everyday after end of the camp.yeaaaa...is EVERYDAY !! This prove that they're lovely , friendly, and really true friend who really miss you or wish the best of ur luck from their true heart, their soul.  I'm not telling story, just sharing that what I feel.






我还是放不下.. 放不下营里所发生过的一切.. 所以总是感觉漂浮。
砂捞越美里其实真的是个很美很美很美的地方，不过是人，事物，或者生活态度。 至少不像大城市般的繁杂，喧哗，压力，嫉妒，虚伪等等总总负面的态度..  身边的人都仿佛把我看成疯子似的，总是不断的告诉他们 我-想-美-里  ...没人了解也没人懂我这般的感受  会说我很执着很固执吧，呵呵   其实，某些事能够让我有这般的执着，固执一定有着特别的原因..才会让我有这般执着   我只是不想逞强，不想把自己真实的感受也收起来
也有些人说我是因为想逃避，害怕..不敢面对现实而喜欢在营里的那段时间. 在营里真的与外界隔绝，真的活出自己..任何一样活动都让我深深的感受。然而那些，是在这里时我永远做不到的事情，我找不回自己.. 有时更因为害怕做错，而宁可不做. 很负面的态度 我还没找到我自己时，既然告诉我营期到了.. 仿佛未完成的事情般...断了..  该如何..?

Huhhhh..

I think, that's all for this post.

I just, feel like wanna find some place to to voice out.

Thanks and sorry if there any mistake.

= )
Wish I can find my true way.
I miss PLKN and I wish that I can do something for that.

Congrats for the kump 2 pelatih and do remind those jurulatih don't forget ME ! ~

2nd post in April

Yeah, I hang out with few camp friend..cause, i miss everyone of them badly!!

Day by day pasted by without any great memory better than memory in plkn..

hhhmmm, i think i need a doctor. :)

Already 28 day came back from kem sg rait, miri.

I still CAN'T RECOVER....

回来这里已28天.. 一天天的去数着从离开那里之后...

是我太外星人了吧..还是找到了真的能成为原本自己的地方..

『爱笑就笑   爱哭就哭  』..在觉得被全世界抛弃时，都会有友人老师相陪.. 

可现在与友人老师们隔着一片海，因此放不下..所以不想回来了

感觉吉隆坡这个大城市不怎么适合我..呵呵 讽刺的话语..

突然觉得好累，好累，好累..

不是我不要参与，只是每一次都被这样对待..

微笑着说自己没有事，是最累人伤己的一件事

心门已关

假装对一切事物漠不关心，其实只是在夜里偷偷忧伤

每日不到2点也不睡，爱夜睡

因为只有在那一刻，才是清静的♡

好累好累，每天都把自己的时间倒反..早上迟起 头也天天在疼

I can smile happily everyday!
It's true from my heart..

Just that, the moment are just too short. :)

Huh,

I'm just...STILL IN THE MISSING MODE.

没力气说，也难以表达..

但愿一切没事

都会好转的

这样压抑的心情真的好难受

❤人生苦短，千萬不要活的太累。要活得舒心，活得快樂。生活畢竟不是演戲，無須用太多的脂粉去塗抹自己，無須戴上“面具”去“逢場作戲”！想笑就笑，想唱就唱，掙多掙少都心地坦然，活得樸素自然，活得坦坦蕩蕩。這就是舒心、快樂、瀟灑。

If someone truly loves you, distance is not a problem. It's just the power of making love grao each day ♥

Love this picture so sooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooo muchh!
Love is no matter how long is the distance, how far between us..
But, we still can feel the sweetness and warm between each other.
It's even better than stick together everyday, but....they lost their heart..
Even we're far far away, but one things that distance told us..
Our heart are tightly stick between each other.

I can feel your heart beat, dear ♡

 Miss You~

It's already 18day after came back from PLKN .Don't know why..still feel like..

My mind and my heart still stick over there? or with somebody else over there....?

Hhhhmmm....

Kumpulan 2 is getting closer,

I saw the precious me.feel scare and worry.

But for me, even I go and have a check..

The answer is,

Sistem Semakan Penempatan Pelatih PLKN
Maaf! 940218045376 tidak terdapat dalamSenarai Penempatan Pelatih PLKN Kumpulan 2 Siri 9/2012. 

Why why why...I wanna go!! >.<~

People sure think that I'm crazy!! oh yeahh...that's the best place ever..

I think 300++ / 400++ pelatih plkn wanna go back to our camp with all of us too!

well, these photo are just lil lil part of us..

Great right? saw it?

U'll never know if u din go and feel it..

It just, too awesome!!

Everything great! Orang Sarawak the best!! opsss :P

Hhhmmmmm,

I think that's all for today.

Muahahhaa!!
If not I gonna super duper huge miss Miri My camp again.

;/

By the way...

I wanna go back to KEM PLKN SG RAIT , MIRI!!

I love u guys! miss u all!!

Just trust it!!

400++ pelatih tentu akan bertemu lagi!!

hehehehe

Yeah, I'm still in Missing Mode

Yeaa..I still could not "tidy up" my missing mode through everything had happen over Miri.
This week is about the 3rd weeks after I came back from PLKN.

what can I do? I just miss u so much!!

I wanna go back, and I wish the time could be longer for me.
Every day dream about different things that make me feel myself still in the camp.

Every morning open my eye, and I told myself ,"It's over, I'm at KL now."

Even 2.00am something, I suddenly awake because of dreaming in plkn, and I chat happily in the dream..
Once awake everything gone, and I text my best friend over Miri/Limbang.
They even reply me,

"We are always in your heart, by your side.Don't worry, sleep tight sweet dream."♥

Huhhh, everything changed.I appreciate every moment in the camp.

But...still feel not enough for me. I din done perfectly for everyone of them..
Still not yet "tidy up" my mind..my everything..that's why I can't accept something over here.
I can't accept the change.....everything...

This is one of the reason that, Why am I still din update my 3 month diary over there.

I wanna share it to everyone! I wanna tell the whole world that I miss them so muchh!!
And I wanna prove that, Ocean is not the matter of blocking me ..our friendship...our feeling..

Tell me,

what can I do..

To keep this as a best memory,

But not forgetting everyone of u.

Today I miss u so so soo much

IMY :)  ♥ 
Remember what had I told you before?

Please hold on tight, please...don't ever forget our promises.

Even, our distance is separate by ocean.

Tong Hua - Our Song.
Here's the story begin..
"Did u know how to sing this song? can u teach me in chinese version?"
Cute he, he was a Non-Chinese. but he interest in learning.
1st know him, I already sang for him.lol
Quiet funny right?
But he too, I like his voice..


Cinta Arjuna - The another song he sang
He have such a great voice,
nice to listen, nice to sing.
This "Cinta Arjuna" is actually tong hua's malay version.
But don't know why, 
1st listen to he sang..
That was amazing!
I din even have those kind of feeling before through a Non-Chinese.
What is this actually? I can't stop asking myself in my heart.

10 days, after we back to our own place.

Text you, call you and wish you a special day.

Facebook request, I'm the 3rd person who added you.

But until now, keep on saw the number of your friend incresing..

But why u din approve me...I don't understand at all. WHY..

I don't even know who or how to express my feeling.

I'm down, I'm stressful, I'm ....just like a stupid.

A stupid who keep on refresh ur facebook account,

A stupid who keep on waiting for your text,

A stupid who always like everything about you,

A stupid who even looking on ur pic, she will smile.....

What to said?

Still the same, 

God blesss us, If we are belongs to each other.

I wish

The Important Decision in My Life

After get our SPM result...

what waiting for those graduate student..

Is...A new change and important decision of each of us everyone..our life..

生活上又是另一场新的考验诞生，

对于已毕业且拿成绩的SPM生..

一个，很重要的过程

Okay, Back to the SPM result day.

Meet some of my best buddy and friend. =)

 My Ex-School Art. LOL

Don't ask about my results, It just..OKOK ^.^

After taken result, my very 1st outing since I came back from Miri.

Gossshh, I feel like still wanna stay at Miri.

They suggest go and karaoke.

人生有着很很不一样的变化，

我们都不知道下一秒究竟会发生什么事情..

然而我们却要为未来做好最好的准备来应付..

Life keep changing , 

We won't know what will happen on the next..

But we need to 24 hour prepare.

这几天..

头好痛..心好乱..我该怎么办..

要下定论了，问题是我自己都不知道自己究竟要的是什么..

很迷失..

I felt lost,

Headache..moody....I don't know what to do.

My parent need my final decision...But..I...

I don't know what I actually looking for...

What can I do..?

Feel lost..