I swear..why..

Useless JESMAY
I hate myself..
Again...
Why..everytime..

Gor's call..
sure make me.....
I hate myself..

Super useless..
when I think I'm ok..
And gor asked me..
I just story to he..

At first..
I really Ok..
But,
Suddenly...

Gor,
Why everytime..
I sure......T.. in front of u..
In your call..

I'm useless right?..
Sorry..
Make U worry about me..

U want me stop..
But want me continue..
T out ALL..
after that begin..

I am trying..
really..
If not ur call..
I won't tears......

More than 10+ time T..
No energy to count..

In this post..
I just want to said sorry to gor..
I useless..
T in your call again..
Make u worry..
Sorry

I try my best ok?..
I want to walk up this pain..
I know I can..
Yes, I can..

Red,
sorry really a complicated thing..
Hard to explain..
Just let it go on silently.....
cause..
I din get a clear answer too..
U look intrest about it..
But is nothing in it..
Just a stupid girl doing stupid action..
Thanks for notice that..
If can..
leave ur true name..
Dun use my blog address..
Thanks & sorry
if I said anything wrong..

U know that I'm saying about U
Yea..let u saw my useless again..
I'll try my best..
This is what i hope too..
If really can't..
Hate me =)
Or..STOP viewing my blog..
If can't..
Or should I change blog add?..
At least...
Everyone ok...
sorry for said that..
Just asking..
I know there was no answer too =)

Not much can I said..
I dunwan show everyone
my pain..my hurt..

Rmb,
I'm an evil..
A evil face but angel heart...
I hope EVERYONE
beside me happy than me..
No one can sad..
ecp me..

Why evil call evil..
Because they
have a problem before too..
Until one day..
They change to evil..

Me too..
But,
I want to help people..
Make people smile or happy^^
Don't care my things..
Evil have a most beautiful back hurt =)

I'll help people..
I'll teach people..
But,
Don't stop me from my emotion..

K,End..Bye..

End but not fully with a clearly answer..
What I hope to listen..
Din even enter to my ear..
Even a clear answer..
Also..I can't get it..
Is truly Sad..

But, Nothing I can do..
He,
Don't want face it true..
Or even said something..
To let me know..
All the true..
I'm tears..
No energy to ask he..
I don't dare..
Really scare..

Can I face he ok next time?
Or..
This really a ending?

But,
sorry for that..
I still Feel that..
He keep silent..
or skip from saying anything..

I still feel that..
He have something in his heart..
But,
I don't know..

why he don't wan to voice out..

Did..
he think to use..
some bad word..
or silent..
make me..
hate he evilly..
and more easily to forget he?

Or..
He don't hope to hurt me again?
He..want to be a 'wei ren'?..
Why?..
At least..

Let me know......

But,
Now..no more..
Never mind..
he choose to silent..
I have no voice..
even no energy to ask
for THE LAST QUESTION before I leave he..

Maybe..
He won't forgive himself..
Maybe..
He want to make me hate he.
. Maybe..
He begin more and more..
Look down and hate himself..
Please don't..please...

That's was nothing ur fault...
All the begin till the end..
I'm the stupid..
I understand why u call me like that..
I'm the one..
who always misunderstand
Ur action Ur meaning..
Sorry..

Can't listen to ur 'last word'
Before I leave..
that..
was my life..
I can't even hear once true thing..
Jesmay wrong this time..

After THAT DAY..
I very very sad..
tears even see movie..
tears hear song...
tears also talking with mum..
I keep waiting..
a call..or a sms..
But I know..
is bubble..

The bubble..
crack and 'pop'..
I should let go..
maybe next time..
I look back..
I'll see that I'm stupid..
But for this moment..
Just let me be a stupid...

They said,
'This is the time..for u to grow..'
'Cheer up..I always by ur side'
'U're a nice girl...'
'A mature girl..don't cry..'
'May,ur cousin all by ur side...'

Thanks for everyone..
My facebook stated change..
everyone notice..
some like it..
some leave comment..
Some leave message in my inbox..

Because of my cousin Dear Poh Lin sis,
She told me a lot.. about begin..
she problem with her husband..
What my passed away uncle told she..
and she told me too..
she hope me cheer up..
she said..
'every thing..
must sit down and think clearly..
only do ur action..'
so,
I sms he..
voice out all..
Yen too,
Ask me do for last time..
Pop magazine too..
all the modal..
almost said that..
They..
regret cause of that time..
they din said what true in their heart to their dreams guys..

I think..
I won't regret as pop modal..
cause..
I skip their mistake..
I have told he..
I have prepare to get hurt..

But,
What babe said was true..
'Even how good u prepare...
When the true..
really comes to u...
Sure everyone will sad or tears..'
Is normal..
I know babe.....
Because I feel it..

That day...
receive his message...
1st time..
I feel want to faint..
whole thing around me was turning..
and no feel...nothing in my mind..

Is 2 day before from now..

In this 2 day..
I really dunno who I am..
Want to post blog express
emotion or sadness in blog..
but,
internet connection..
problem again..
want watch movie
because daddy bought
a new LCD for me to watch TV
But,
Nothing to see...

I think a lot..
in babe call..
I tears again....
really useless..
I don't want my now attitude..

Today, Tuesday..
Also same when..
I open my eye..
Home no one..
hp showed few message..
And,
my mind keep tell myself..
a day again..
cheer...

Don't know why..
I open my diary book..
It write from February till April..
Really miss that time..
And..
April of 15..
K,did u remember that day?..
I think u already forget about it...
Only a stupid will remember about that...
Because..
That day..
was my 1st time tears day..
Because of u scold me...
And..
1st time...
U told me..
' we 100% won't fall in love..'

After that..
I really try hard to forget u..
And..done 60%..
how good..
Because...
that come basketball competition..
It save me..
Begin that time..
I more and more LOVE basketball..

I read back my diary..
only know..and think.. last time..
U have sms me..
'scold me'..
Said..why I scold u and CB in blog..
Now,
Only I remember why..
Actually..
Not..
I not scolding u guys..
Just at that time..
I let go of u..

And,
put all my mind..
my focus eye..
in basketball..
Really happy and free..
Din think about u...

But,
that time..
u and CB keep angry about me..
Even, I said a 'basketball' word..
in front of u2..
I'll get scold..

That time I was 'hairan'..
why..
I want let go u..
100000% support basketball competition..
But,
U keep angry/'face black'
On that day..
even..scold me too..
So, I was so 'hairan'..
I want let go u..
But u angry/unlike...
If I don't let go u(on that time)
I'm the one who sad and tears..
after u said NO to me..
'100% can't fall in love..'

Reading diary..
I..find back myself..
On that time..
How I do to let go of u..
How my mind think..
What had I told myself..
All..
I found in my diary..

Now, I'm smile..
I hope it'll be ok..
Hope tomorrow..
everything will be ok....

Must life sweet with ur dear..
Must LOVE she fully...
Must make she smile..
Must make write her name in ur heart..
P.Y + K.H

I wont sad again..I try..
I won't tears...As how as I can..
I type this..
Is just to said something..
Nice ending..
Nice.....

U teach me a lot.. really...
Thanks,
K

你太誠實

谁拉住我 谁救救我

我从高空 狠狠地坠落

谁叫醒我 说这是梦

说你和她 什么都还没有

在窒息的沉默中 你握痛我的手

爱怎么了 我怎么了

一句话都没有说

我曾经以为爱情应该诚实

但诚实却是最尖锐的刀子

你坦白一切留给我决定是多么的自私

我恨你

就连你的感谢都太诚实

你不懂最大的温柔是掩饰

在我转身之前你看不到我流泪的样子

你没有错 我没有错

是一阵风 吹熄了承诺

你挣扎过 你要我懂

那谁来懂 我心里的黑洞

我从来没有这么渴望你欺骗我

掀开一切 千疮百孔

明天到底怎么过

Red word=my voice..totally match with me

Today..is a bad day for me =(

Totally very very moody and down..since last night..

Evil come out..

this song..is.....I heard when..

haixx...sadness thing..still the same..

I no need to repeat..

I have to get hurt of the one who i love

and have gf and leave u away forever...

一些东西
过去了
就该把它忘了
因为不管我们怎么努力
也改变不了过去
唯有努力的把现在拥有的
做得最好
也许
在下一个路口
你可以找到另一个机会
-
Hope Before It Start
Learn Before It End

By Scott..I like it..

他走了。。。

留下的仅是那会随着岁月

流逝而一点一滴逐渐模糊的回忆

过往的幸福甜蜜已被时间牢牢地上锁

只剩下久久挥散不去的难过

还遗留在心中

手中的风筝也断了线带着所有

快乐与梦想越飘越远我的心在淌血

挽回不了

只能静静地

看着它从指缝溜走

saw by some where..

I can't write chinese..

Sorry for only can copy..

some word close to me or match to my status..

Theay're couple

I saw it again..
Yea..
They're couple yes they are..
Sme music colour playlist..
couple feel..couple smell..
and in both of their blog..
have all the love..
all the honey..
all the sweet...
How touched..
The overnight together too..
How sweet right?..
In just a few week..
they totally change from P.Friend to C
Congratulation!!!
Jesmay girl lose again^^
Well done...

"yuen lai..zai yi zhi mei you wo de qing kuang xia...
ni zhen de zhao ta le...wo yi zhi hai pa de shi ye fa shen le.."

"yi qie..wu yuen..wo zhong shi bei pao qi he bei diu xia de na ge..
yuen lai..ta zhao yi zai ni xin zhong...yuen lai....ni xi huan de ren shi ta..."

I dun care people know or not..but..
That's ws just way I express it..
I hate u!

why

My past attitude.. refind me at few moment again..
I dunwan..I dunwan...
Dunwan to let myself..
post a sad/emo post again...

Because..someone..
ask me not to do that..
I listen n try to do as how good I can..
I do it for that person..

This few day..
I lost connection with my blog..
Not lazy to update..but..
The reason..
1-my precious post too long..and I'm tired..
2-when I think to update/post up what in my mind...

That person voice will in my mind..
ask me dun post those emo/sad things..
ask me to change my attitude..
I want to prove it to the person that I'm ok..
I just 'wear up a smily & evil face mask'..
to face he and also myself..
Dun post out my sadness/emo in my blog..
But,
In the true life..how can I face it MYSELF??
Just everyday in front of pc..do nothing..
sometimes..once click...
Saw something I hate/unlike to see that..
Why?
Begin from that moment..
Every time..I saw/listen about u..
Or even when u find me...
I'll push u away evil..
U know what I mean..
sorry for that..
But I must do it..

Memory..
Is beautiful that given by..
I love it so much..
and also..teach me a lot...

Teach me what the feeling of like..
Teach me how the smell of honey & sweet..
Teach me what to make me laugh happily..
Teach me how to tears deeply..
Teach me what the feeling of hurt...

I miss everything so much..
But.. It can't flow back..
Because..
U're not there anymore..
U keep walk front to ur future..
That's not ur fault..
Is me..my fault..
Because of I still live in the memory..
hold it tight and dun let it go..
Maybe u'll said..
'u already know ur problem..
why dun u just do it?..
make u forget and let go about it...'

But, If as easy as what just as said..
Sure not saw today me..
the silly person & emo queen..

Sometimes..
if u ask more one word/one more msg..
U'll get what u want to know..
I think.. U hope to know more about me..
and who the 'HE' I always said..
and make me upset..
Or maybe u know..
Why can't..
Just patient one more second..
maybe..
It might change..
But..
haixx..
this isthe real u..
the true me...
I dun wan't..
need I said..
Only..
U know what to do..

As few week before..
I find u..
Hope to be back friend..
Really..
I want between us just FRIENDSHIP..
Other relationship..
I work hard for almost one year..
But..
Something..
Not urs..U must let go..
If it come back..
Than, That was urs forever..
But..I know my value..
U won't come back..
Or should said..
U din even by my side..
together with me even one second..

U always call me stupid..
Is sweet or sad?..
I really dunno..
For couple..
call stupid/sha gua is sweet..
For me..
a non-couple relationship person..
call stupid.. is funny..
or take means that..
U have feel to me?..
sorry if I think too much..
If u just treat me as 100% frd..
This is what in my mind..
maybe..
next time..
or after u read this..
i hope u dun read post..haix
U won't call me stupid again..
U will just call..
'Ei..'
'Si Dada..'
'Wei...'

I have post out many secret silently
in my word since long time ago..
Maybe u know but act blind..
Or..u really dunno..
Or..U know but dunno how to stop me..
I'll stop myself..
Hope next year..
My blog..will have a new face..
that love me..hold me close..give me warm..
Save me from lonely..
and tearsing deeply in my dark world

I show very very straight
and bright in here since long time ago..
Maybe u know..
Just..
Dunwan to know..
Because u still miss she or new target..
I know..
I'm ok..
This is me..
This is my life..
thanks for let me grow up
so so fast..even I don't hope..
THANKS.

I view my frd blog..
Is touched..And let me know..
No matter how..
In EVERY girl heart..
There were still a side..
Is same..
that was..
Hope get someone who like them..

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/snowee&category_id=11917040
http://www.wretch.cc/blog/kowennbuzz&category_id=12360377
http://onlymiss-r.blogspot.com/
and more.....sorry if u all dun like..
Just said out what I want to said..Thanks =)

26/10/2009

Happy Happy Birthday Gor^^
Hahahxx...
Old already o~
16 years old le..
Can go learn motor already..
Drive me ya..XD

Morning.. Prepare for all the thing..
First time I din prepare one night before wanna go out..XD
Than, I just simply match my shirt for later go out..

Almost 11.30am..
I mostly wanna done already..
No make up..
Just use myG already spend my much time~
CB,Gor them keep call me=.=
I'm the late one again lurXD
Than walk there with Yen and meet Chai Qi..
3 Girl..and 6 Boy..
Hahaxx..

On the LRT..
Jun Keong gentlemen..
let Me and Qi sit beside he..
Opposite Gor,Zhao Jian,Ah Shen..
We keep laugh and chat..funnyXD
They four(Gor,Keong,Shen,Jian)
All was wearing line t-shirtXD*jail shirt
they all said just come out from Pudu Jail..
My hand keep holding the cake>.<
Bad gor said choclate like shit..
Than..
later we gonna put 'shit' on his face already..
So bad..said me..XD
But Jun Keong stand me here..
Blekk..see who win laterXD

Than reach there..
Leave the cake in greenbox thr =)
Eat at MY PLACE again^^
I love that place..hahaxx..
Really bring many my memory~

I eat Set A again..
Hahacc..
Take photo to 'promote'
my foodXD
Mushroom taste~
Jiang Jiang!!!^^..






I take photo for them..
and some take with them too..
How funnyXD

LIang Zai groupXD
all in line shirt ecp Mr CB

Bad gor push Jian head..

Mr CB..no need close la..u so liang zai XD

Blur abit>.<..se gor choose the same set meal with meXD
While almost finish eat..
Saw opposite there..GreenBox..
have the Halloween Day 'ghost'..XD
After eat also almost 2am already..
Use Gor name,my member card..
Prepare to enter..
wow..cool room.. cool design =)

Cool number..Lols..>.<



Cool sign =)

Cool Ah ShenXD

Noisy Me,Gor & Shen

Lonely Jun Keong..XD

We sing a lot lot of song..
XD..
feel happy..
and..my voice come bac edi ^^
not as that day with Cb them..

suddenly..
when they sing until
Wiber Pan's 'two person dance'(in Chinese)
The music stop..and..they tot I press that>,<
Ohhh...
That was a surprice from greenbox..
they take the cake enter to our room..
and the bday song in our sing k tv screen..
Hahaxxx..
Make all of us surprice too..
I also dunno they will do like thatXD


_will be continue_

Hari Karnival =)

Awake at 8.10am..
Lols..because of their sms=.='
Started prepare my things..
Bath that all..
bring I wanna bring to Carnival later..

Around 8.50am..
Receive Chun Hoe gor's message =)
Thanks^^
Finally I can go..but still not sure what time..
Cause he gonna fetch me there..
How touched =*)


When reach school..
parking at 7-11..
and..I wait with them at pondak there for a while..
For confirm my friend who in side my school there..
Receive Sweet message..
that sui poh..
tell me many question mark
direction place about where she are..
But..when said my idol place..
than..I know alreadyXD Sui poh sweet sister..
always use that person name to play meT.T
Dun wan choi she already =P

So, Meet she.. So sui she..
When on call just now..
she said: 'neehh..in ur ah pang places la..'
(on that time ah pang,also known as En Jian..
beside and listen all that and smile stupidly I think..
sweet sister told me after thatXD)
me said: 'oic..zadao.....'

1st reach there..
Saw En Jian..Yeng..I mean His pants ok..XD
And he smile..
wow.. I wear same with they all chinese society t-shirt..
Ecp that sweet sui poh sister wear purple..blekk..

Receive Yen message/call..
but really hot..and lazy to up aa..
Paiseh aa >.<

Rikiko,Mengli them all..
keep and keep ask me to SUPPORT Chinese society..
by buying things..Lols..XD

Seems like..
many people wanna enter that ghost house..
I hope too...
BUT,
no that one who I want accompany me..
no patient to wait almost 2hour for JUST A GAME..
So,
I din enterT.T

Bad sweet sister act act 'cut place' at there..
blekk..hahahahxx.. I'm good person..
So, I won't follow she do bad thing =)

I went down again..
and also buy thing with Rikiko & Mengli =)
To finish my RM10 coupon..
Sweet babe they are^^
Next time promise ya..
I'll with u guys if u all dun mind.. XD
chat a lot..feel happy^^
Before not really know them...
But actually they all was funny + funny XD
Promise..next time ya...shhhhh =P

Dunno when already..
suddenly meet Yen and her sister..
Together for do nothing.. =.=
Saw many many many school friend them all..
Hi, Guys^^!

Dunno how many time passed..
Than Yen back..
Yan Dong with me do nothing also..
hahahxx..
I keep pull Mengli or Rikiko to finish coupon XD
Rikiko can't leave without french fried..XD
How cute..but..
eat more also must take care and drink more water r..

Chun Hoe them end up
their 1 hour waiting and enter to play ghost house..
All funny and help teacher
call people support Chinese society..
Everyone was hot and sweat..

But, I suddenly think up wanna take picture..
Than.. Not yet said out..
Rikiko already said out what I wan..
Heart sence =)
Rikiko be my cameragirl..Me too..
Photo here =)



Michael most brave..
the first person who take photo with me =)

My super Idol..EnJian..shine O V with Jesmay
Really unbelieveble that I can take Picture with he..
He said Hope I dun mind..
Lols.I think this is what should I said..
SHINE O V..number 7..En Jian^^

Big artist on tv3..
accidently saw he on tv few month before..
How nice his voice =)
Jesmay & Duwei

Jiang Jiang!!!!..
Birthday Girl today =)
Best wish for she..
She become very beautiful and I like her hair =)



New know friend..=) nice to meet u~


CC with Jesmay
I look short.. And Cc said edit till too white..
make His face like a 'small white face'..
Like a kid..XD hahahhaxx..
That's was his original face wad..


I like her spec.. =)

Chun Hoe with Jesmay..nice smile =)

Jesmay & Boon..peace^^
What was Chun Hoe looking about?..
Hahaxx..leng lui?XD

Bob rock!!
Where Is Chun Hoe..Danny and Johnathan..=.=

For sure have Photo with Rikiko..
But..just some..wanna see more?..
View my facebook and take a look.. =)

Rikiko & Mun Mun~

Elaine & Rikiko..

Rikiko & Jesmay

MORE PHOTO ON FACEBOOK KAy..
Lazy already>.<

A video here..
when almost end..
and they sing birthday song..
than follow by 'Dancing -Queen'..
I just record 'Dancing -Queen'..
And..Those people..
keep walk here and there..
also my sound=.=
Sorry for anything..
If u guys unlike it =(


The whole Hari Karnival..
Maybe is the 1st time..
So..quiet boring..
But luckily have Rikiko Enjian them =)
Ok..that's all...
SOrry for anything if u guys unlike..

In my heart,
I'm still missing u..
was trying to chat ALL with u..
But,
I'm in scare..
Sorry..
I'll try my best..
I wan to let u know.
.
What in ur mind..
Just let me know..
I'm always waiting at here..